Ok confession. I’ve really been sucking lately at being a mom. No, no I know we all say that but for real. I Could sit here and list all of my “mom flaws” but what I really want to do is give myself this reminder: it’s ok to be imperfect and it doesn’t matter if you have a bad day. (Or week or month)
It doesn’t matter because these kids love us no. matter. what. Their love is so unbelievably unconditional.
I witnessed this last night. I have been a bear. A mama bear in the most literal way. I have had no patience, I may or may not be drinking too much wine, and I have snapped at them much too quickly over the little things. Last night, after all of that.. Heidi crawls up in my lap at 9 years old and lays her head down on me and begins to rub my arm.
That’s what I’m talking about. Our kids are amazing when we’re not. They will easily forgive us. What we beat ourselves up over most of the time doesn’t even register with them as a problem!
We put too much pressure on ourselves as mamas and sometimes it gets to me. I feel like I don’t do enough. I’m not as compassionate to their needs or as understanding when they’re upset. I hate that I’m sometimes dismissive when I want time for myself.
I want to be there for them and as our kiddos grow older I want them to trust that I will always protect and take care of them.
My daily flaws do not define me as a mother.
So I’ll try not to yell when they track mud in the house or don’t take a shower on the first command. I’ll try not to lose my temper when my girls almost kill each other. I’ll take a deep breath the next time Brady pees on the bathroom floor. I’ll smile when they complain about the dinner I cook (probably not as likely to happen).
I won’t be perfect but I can be better than I was yesterday. Hey, I’m just winging it over here. But the reality is this is the ONLY childhood I get to spend with them.
This is it.
One day they’ll be gone and grown and I’ll look back and either laugh or cry or more than likely…both.
But one thing I know for sure… No matter how many times I might feel like I’m failing… I will love them fiercely and if at the end of every day, my kids feel that love… I am good enough.