How do you recover from a miscarriage? I don’t think there is any right way.
You keep going. You do every day things. You do all of the things that are required of you as an adult because the world keeps spinning and time keeps moving.
What you don’t do is talk about it. You don’t make time for your grief. You don’t give yourself the honor to grieve this loss. You don’t grant yourself time to be sad. You don’t talk about how unfair it is or how much it hurts.
When your grief finally emerges, it feels like your chest is caving in. Like you can’t breathe or think or talk. It feels like everything you say or do is wrong. Like you have no choice in anything. It’s an ache in your heart that reminds you it’s broken.
When your grief finally shows itself… It’s ugly and emotional and unforgiving.
It will happen while you’re in the shower by yourself… in the car driving with your sunglasses on… or even after you’ve waited for everyone else to fall asleep so you can fall apart. You bottle this up inside… because you have to… because life keeps going and you are forced to move on. Your grief shows itself out of nowhere, when you least expect it, and when you know it’s coming… all at the same time.
When it does it’s relentless, taking all of you and leaving nothing for the people who need you.
If you don’t let it out… if you keep days and months and years of pain hidden, you will lose yourself.
You may feel like you’re already lost. Because no one around you knows how you feel. Because you are required to act normal. Because you have to go to work. Because you are a mom, wife, daughter who is expected to be and act a certain way.
You feel so lonely. Even though you have all the support in the world.
But… You do have a choice. You’re not lost but may be questioning which way to go. When you’re sitting in the bathroom all alone, praying and crying… you are not lost.
Your path is broken but mendable. Your light is dim but not out. Your heart is heavy but not gone.
When I question how I will get through this, I think about my past, present, and future. Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t know for sure but the point is I can see it.
Hold on to the memory of your baby for she was real.
And grasp the future because you’re still here.
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