Over the last few months, I have realized how naïve I was… that my expectations for other people were too high. I think this subject is somewhat of a taboo subject.. because people rarely discuss this, unless they are doing it in vain, gossiping about being wronged or someone else being wronged. How often do people, in general, disappoint us? In friendship, in your job, or in other relationships? How often do we brush things off that really do bother us but we refrain from saying anything?
I know I have and I do that way more than I should. And this is something that is really on my heart lately.
I have to constantly remind myself… not everyone has the same heart as I do. Being a good person does not guarantee that others will be good people. The reality of discovering that people were not who you thought they were is when you start seeing people… or sometimes seeing through people. And when you start seeing yourself.
When you start seeing your worth, you will find it harder to stay around people who don’t.
Is it possible to be too nice? I always try to “friend” people because I believe they are kind, good-hearted, and want to be my friend back. Or in my career, I find myself consistently smiling and being kind to everyone, even during and after times of conflict. I didn’t realize that I have been giving so much of myself and my time worrying about these people…. mostly about pleasing them. There comes a time when you start to realize that you cannot control other people. Some people are so miserable with themselves that they cannot help but to try to bring you down too. You have to realize that their misery is self-inflicted and out of your control….as are their actions and opinions.
You have three choices. You can choose to accept people, choose to distance yourself, or choose to walk away. But you do not always have to please others.
If PEOPLE… whether in your job or friendships… are constantly disappointing you, cut them out… Time goes on… life goes on… You’re going to be ok. You cannot be your best self when someone else is in control of how you feel. No matter how hard you try.
Being disappointed by people who you respect… can make you really bitter. Don’t let it have that control over you. If it’s not my husband, kids, family, or the people who I have chosen to be in my very small circle, then I am choosing to give it a very small amount of me. I will be kind to these people. I will understand that I am human and have my own flaws… but I can always be kind. I will see them, speak to them, and even answer their texts. I will not allow what doesn’t matter to take any more of me. Jobs, friends, people who don’t matter.
Be mindful of how you treat people. Be mindful of your intentions and the outcomes of your words and actions. No one owes you anything. The only expectations you set high are the expectations you have for yourself.
I was watching the movie The Help the other day. If you’ve ever seen that movie… you know that there is a woman named Ms. Hilly who isn’t very kind… not even to the people she calls friends. As you know, the maid, Ms. Minnie, made a pie with a certain special ingredient and watched Ms. Hilly eat it and then said the words, “Eat my sh*t.”
The next time you find yourself dealing with people who disappoint you, talk about you behind your back, or just try to bring you down… think about what they would do if you made them a special pie.. at least it will give you a little laugh! People like that might not ever eat your special pie but they will eventually reap what they sow.