When People Disappoint You

Over the last few months, I have realized how naïve I was… that my expectations for other people were too high. I think this subject is somewhat of a taboo subject.. because people rarely discuss this, unless they are doing it in vain, gossiping about being wronged or someone else being wronged. How often do people, in general, disappoint us? In friendship, in your job, or in other relationships? How often do we brush things off that really do bother us but we refrain from saying anything?

I know I have and I do that way more than I should. And this is something that is really on my heart lately.

I have to constantly remind myself… not everyone has the same heart as I do. Being a good person does not guarantee that others will be good people. The reality of discovering that people were not who you thought they were is when you start seeing people… or sometimes seeing through people. And when you start seeing yourself.

When you start seeing your worth, you will find it harder to stay around people who don’t.

Is it possible to be too nice? I always try to “friend” people because I believe they are kind, good-hearted, and want to be my friend back. Or in my career, I find myself consistently smiling and being kind to everyone, even during and after times of conflict. I didn’t realize that I have been giving so much of myself and my time worrying about these people…. mostly about pleasing them. There comes a time when you start to realize that you cannot control other people. Some people are so miserable with themselves that they cannot help but to try to bring you down too. You have to realize that their misery is self-inflicted and out of your control….as are their actions and opinions.

You have three choices. You can choose to accept people, choose to distance yourself, or choose to walk away. But you do not always have to please others.

If PEOPLE… whether in your job or friendships… are constantly disappointing you, cut them out… Time goes on… life goes on… You’re going to be ok. You cannot be your best self when someone else is in control of how you feel. No matter how hard you try.

Being disappointed by people who you respect… can make you really bitter. Don’t let it have that control over you. If it’s not my husband, kids, family, or the people who I have chosen to be in my very small circle, then I am choosing to give it a very small amount of me. I will be kind to these people. I will understand that I am human and have my own flaws… but I can always be kind. I will see them, speak to them, and even answer their texts. I will not allow what doesn’t matter to take any more of me. Jobs, friends, people who don’t matter.

Be mindful of how you treat people. Be mindful of your intentions and the outcomes of your words and actions. No one owes you anything. The only expectations you set high are the expectations you have for yourself.

I was watching the movie The Help the other day. If you’ve ever seen that movie… you know that there is a woman named Ms. Hilly who isn’t very kind… not even to the people she calls friends. As you know, the maid, Ms. Minnie, made a pie with a certain special ingredient and watched Ms. Hilly eat it and then said the words, “Eat my sh*t.”

The next time you find yourself dealing with people who disappoint you, talk about you behind your back, or just try to bring you down… think about what they would do if you made them a special pie.. at least it will give you a little laugh! People like that might not ever eat your special pie but they will eventually reap what they sow.

Xoxo,

MK

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Get Yourself Together

When things aren’t going your way and you feel like giving up… how do you manage to get it together? Because we always do right? Somehow we always get it together and life goes on. When we think we’re too tired to get dressed or cook dinner or run in the grocery store… or when things get even worse and we don’t even want to get out of bed… we always do.

Think about this: Perspective. Your perspective is shaped by your experiences… the environment you live in, and the people who surround you, the things you’ve witnessed. When you choose your own perspective, you are choosing your attitude and behavior. You are also choosing how others perceive you.

I’ve been struggling lately with choosing the right attitude. “My people” see me as strong and full of energy. At our recent Patti Presson Fitness Intentional You meeting, we played a get to know you game. We went around the room – a room full of complete strangers – and everyone wrote one word (without you knowing the word they were writing) that they could use to describe you in the short 20 minutes they had been around you. When we were done we looked at our words that complete strangers had used to describe us. Mine read “hardworking, organized, determined, cute, hardworking again, and feisty.” It’s funny really… if I look back on my past I can think about things that have shaped me to be all of these words.

That got me thinking. People are always telling me “I don’t know how you do it.” And honestly I don’t either. Thinking about the words that were written about me reminded me that I must be doing something right because I have everyone fooled!

The truth is I’m not superwoman. I have mom guilt, complete breakdowns, cry and curse, and some days feel like I’m barely making it…. just. like. you.

When I think about what lifts me back up… what makes me feel “ok” again… it’s my people. It’s taking time to actually be with my kids, it’s the lunch talks with my favorite co-workers, it’s the end of the day showers I take with Gene every night because that’s when we finally have a moment to talk, it’s the friends I have that I know I can run to and spill my guts and bitch about everything just for them to tell me something to make me feel better even if it’s just their honesty, it’s joking around with my sister at my parents’ house… it’s being around the people I care about and who I know care about me.

We can define happy in so many ways. I’m so grateful, thankful, and honored to live the life I live. I’ve seen people who have really struggled. The couple who has just buried their baby or the young girl who has 6 kids in Head Start and her landlord is kicking her out for roaches. I’ve seen people struggle, hurt, and I am 100% sure I’ve witnessed people struggle and hurt right in front of me and I didn’t even know they were going through something.

This is perspective. I might feel like I’m drowning today. But I’m not. I remember those people who taught me to be grateful. I surround myself with the people who care about me even if I just want to crawl in my bed under the covers and sleep.

When YOU are feeling like you can’t go on.. remember the people you’ve met, lean on someone you love, go outside and literally look on the bright side. I’ve got to choose the right attitude every time.. so I can keep fooling everyone? Maybe. Maybe I’m just trying to convince myself I can do it all.

Get yourself together because you always do. And life will go on.

For a Little Bit

We get up, go to work, come home, fix dinner, pack lunchboxes, do homework, bathe kids, get them in bed… all before we can go to bed ourselves. And just when we get to bed, lay down… snuggle under the covers and push the thoughts and reminders running through our minds to the side… we finally drift off to sleep.

Until…. our motherly instincts wake us up when the pitter patter of little feet come running down the hallway to our bedside.

“Mommy…”

“Yes Brady… what’s wrong?”

“I want you.”

Famous words from a toddler.

And as he climbs in bed and wedges his tiny body between us, I say, “I want you too Brady. I always want you.”

Even when it’s 2 AM and I can barely open my eyes. Even when you kick us in the side all night long and I have about 2 cm of space to sleep on the very edge of the bed. I still want you.

I want you now and tomorrow and ten years from now when you’re 13 and don’t care about me anymore. At least on the outside.

I will want you when you hit your first homerun. I will want you when you get your first girlfriend. I will want you when you drive your first truck and when you graduate high school.

I will want you when you find a woman who is worthy of you and you decide to give our family name away to her. I will still want you.

I will always want you to be my baby. And you will always be my baby.

We give this away. We are exhausted, and stressed… we live the day to day without giving any extra thought to the fact that time does not stand still. We pray for bedtime to hurry. We pray for them to fall asleep sooner. And we naturally wish the days away.

But… every now and then… we get a subtle reminder that we don’t always want it to be bedtime… we don’t always want them to be able to walk so we don’t have to tote them anymore… we don’t always want them to be able to eat on their own so they won’t nurse 24/7…. we don’t always want them to sleep in their own bed (especially at 2 AM)…

These reminders… they are the sweet part of life. They snap us back to reality. We then realize for a split second that time doesn’t slow down. Our kids won’t be babies forever. And we hold them tighter… for just a little bit.

-MK

My Daughter’s Broken Heart

Yesterday was a big day for Maddy, our ten year old daughter, as she had her second gymnastics meet. This one was a huge meet… hundreds of gymnasts from 25 states and 11 countries competing. We have been hyping this meet up… making sure we get her to every practice, allowing her to flip all over the house, and letting her skip school for the meet. We booked an oceanfront hotel room for the night before. We took only Maddy and her gymnast little sister, leaving the other two siblings at home with the grandmas. We did everything to ensure she felt that she deserved all of it for her hard work. We did everything to make her feel special… we even went out on the beach when we got there and the girls did gymnastics on the sand under the moonlight!

The morning of the meet came after one of those deep comfortable-hotel-bed-kinda sleeps and we rushed to get ready. Hair up in sock bun, check. Hairspray like crazy, check. Leo on, check. Warm up on, check.

We arrived at the convention center where gymnasts and their parents were piling in for check in and open stretch. Girls with leos of all types and colors and sequins flooded the huge building. As we walked into the arena, we saw the equipment set up on the floor. It was time. We kissed our girl goodbye and wished her one last “Good luck.”

Her team would not be there with her as they all had different times to compete, based on their level. The other gymnast on Maddy’s level was sick and would not make it. So, it was just Maddy representing her gym today. We watched as they called her gym name and she did a solo salute.

First up was beam. Maddy did great! She scored a 9.125. Next was floor exercise. Maddy nailed her routine so I was shocked to see a score of 8.4 on the score screen. Her coach told us she was missing a few skills in the routine. That was not her fault. But still a let down for her I am sure, considering how well she did. So we moved on to vault.

I don’t know if it was her nerves or disappointment from the floor exercise score, but she scored low on vault. Finally, it was time for her bar routine. This was her BEST apparatus. She ALWAYS nails her bar routine in practice. It’s her favorite. I prayed hard for a good score so maybe she could get at least one medal and feel accomplished. I held her sister’s hand and squeezed tight as she started to jump up on the bar.

Halfway through her routine, she fell off.

My heart sank. I felt her pain and regret and disappointment. I watched her leave the bars, head down, walking back to her coaches who were giving her pats on the back and hugs. I’m sure they were telling her it was okay. But I could see it on her face. The tears started. I could see her wiping them away trying to hide how she felt. I wanted to run across the floor and hold her in my arms like she was 3 again. I realized I wasn’t going to be able to fix this for her. I wasn’t going to be able to just say something to make it better this time like I normally do when she gets a bad grade or a friend hurts her feelings or her sister blames her for something.

I felt helpless. I wanted her to know how proud we were of her… that she didn’t disappoint us. That we love her and will always be proud. I just didn’t know what to do or say to make her realize that.

When I finally got to her, she was no longer crying…even though I was holding my own tears back with everything in my being. She looked strong. That made me want to cry even more. I could see her dried tear streaks through the chalk on her face. I gave her a hug and we told her that she did a good job.

After we sat through the painful medal ceremony, we changed the mood and took the girls out to lunch at an oceanfront restaurant. After we ate, we walked back out to the beach. I sat and watched as both girls tumbled and did cartwheels on the sand like they didn’t have a care in the world.

As we got ready to head home, another family with two small daughters who had apparently also been at the competition, started talking with us. The mother asked Maddy if she did a good job. Maddy’s response with a little smile on her face was “I guess I did ok.” The mother asked her if she had fun and Maddy said yes. The mother looked at her and said “Then that’s all that matters.”

She’s right. This was an experience to add to her list of experiences. She will learn that this is going to happen… in gymnastics and in life. Sometimes we fall, but we have to get back up and keep going and have fun while we’re doing it. She will learn that when we do fall, we hold it together, brush it off, reflect, smile, and hold our heads high. She will keep going. I know she will because she loves gymnastics. And here’s the thing about Maddy… she does gymnastics because it is fun for her. She doesn’t do it to be an Olympian. She doesn’t do it because her parents are forcing her to succeed. She does it because she loves it and she is good at it. She doesn’t stress over her scores or let them weigh heavy on her shoulders after meets. She doesn’t try to be better than anyone else. She does it because it makes her happy. And that makes us even more proud of her.

All we want is for our kids to be happy. They will succeed. They will fail. They will hurt. They will laugh. They will cry. As they break hearts and have their hearts broken, we will be there. Even if we do not know what to do when it happens. What they don’t realize is as they are experiencing heartbreak, we are too.

MK

Just Let Them Have the Cereal

After several days of being snowed in and stuck in the house, we decided to venture out today. Although my bearded hubs went hunting the past two days, I chose to stay inside where it was warm. So today was the day we would go out so this mama could get some fresh air.

Not too far into the trip to Lowe’s (yes today, Lowe’s won over Target)… did I remember why I don’t take my children shopping. Gene and I were desperately trying to choose which lights to buy for our kitchen while the older 3 kids were fighting nonstop, disappearing down the other aisles, and touching things. Yes believe it or not, it was plucking my nerves that they were touching things. Breakable things. That I would have to pay for. Literally at one point I turned around and Brady (our almost 3 year old) had climbed out of the shopping cart and was on the next aisle sitting on a lawn mower. I kid you not.

We pick out lights and head over to the light bulb section. Brady commences to scream bloody murder because I put him back in the cart. I mean he screams. He is literally yelling at me, his siblings, random people… you name it – he’s yelling at it. I pick him up and attempt to hold him to calm him down while looking at Gene – both of use thinking the same thing… what were we thinking and where’s the alcohol?!

We finally make it to the checkout… only for Cole (our 12 year old) to very bluntly and obviously say while we are standing in line about to pay for our items, “Brady you’re a doo doo excavator.” (Yes I said he was 12) As the cashier looks at Gene, and Gene looks at Cole, and I look at the cashier… I think to myself, we cannot get in the car fast enough.

After we get home and everyone has had a bath, I start to contemplate dinner. Brady starts demanding cereal. And not healthy cereal either – Lucky Charms. I start to talk him into some actual dinner.. you know, something healthy or fulfilling… and then Gene says, “Just let him have the cereal” and I realize HE’S RIGHT. After everything today, what’s wrong with giving Brady cereal for dinner?!

So I’m here to tell you, it’s ok to let your kids eat cereal for dinner every now and then. Don’t freak out over the little things. When you’ve had all you can take, just give in. It’s not going to be the end of the world. Sometimes as parents, we go into survival mode. And that’s ok! You’re not the only mama out there to have ever done it, trust me!

So next time – just let them have the cereal. Hey, at least it has milk in it!

-MK